She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
