He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
