My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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