Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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