Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
did i just pee glitter
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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