I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
