My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
