it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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