if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
only if we run a train.
done.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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