i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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