dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
