Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
