If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I love you. Go after that dick
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
