I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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