Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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