The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
