I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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