Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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