The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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