i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
