the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
