What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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