Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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