Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
