I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
