I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ttyl tear gas
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
