dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
