i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
