She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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