So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
