he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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