i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't turn off my feet"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
