Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
