I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
