last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
