Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
