38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
