dude i'm inner monologue high
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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