So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
