I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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