Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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