dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
