I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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