I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
