We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
