Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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