Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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