my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We left the knife in your bed.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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