Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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