I wish I could teleport
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
