Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
