whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
