i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
